How to part with sentimental clutter
One of the first questions I get asked when I give a talk on the topic of clutter is how to let go of sentimental items.
Well, my decluttering philosophy, whether dealing with sentimental clutter or not, consists in respecting the stories behind our stuff. Otherwise, there’s a high risk of regretting our decisions which might lead to decluttering paralysis.
Voicing out the stories behind the items and finding unique solutions to honour them are powerful strategies I use with my clients. It helps them let go of sentimental items they think they will never be able to part with.
I need to stress that sentimental clutter isn’t the place to start your decluttering journey. Instead, you first want to tackle categories of items you have no sentimental attachment to. It will help you build your decluttering muscle and make it easier for yourself when it’s time to declutter sentimental items.
What sentimental clutter is
It can be:
- Items that remind us of a person:
- not only the heirlooms inherited from a loved one or the presents gifted to us
- but also of a personal identity that no longer exists, such as a past successful career or a wealthy lifestyle.
- Items that remind us of an event or milestone:
- the outfit we were wearing when our husband proposed
- the first gift our child bought us with his own pocket money.
- Something that represents the recognition we received, or the hard work we put into something, whether it’s our studies, work or sports.
Sentimental clutter varies greatly from person to person.
Here are some examples of how sentimental clutter looked like for me:
- The books I was able to buy for myself once I started working. As a teenager, I had to scout my neighbourhood to borrow whatever books our neighbours had in their homes, as, coming from a humble family, buying books was not often an option.
- The work reference books that embodied a 20-year-long career in the supply chain field in which I had achieved some level of recognition and that I left to start a career as a professional organiser, an industry that was just in its infancy stage in Singapore then.
- The coloured belts that I earned in taekwondo by the sweat of my brow before I got my first black belt.
These items become clutter when we keep them out of obligation, even though we don’t use them or even like them. Or because we feel worried that we will lose the memory associated with it by letting go of the item, even though our memories are within us, not within the stuff.
How to streamline sentimental clutter
Well, my process is the same as with non-sentimental items.
First, gather all the items in one spot. You need to be able to see all you are dealing with at one glance.
Second, sort the items based on:
- their types, e.g. silverware, jewellery, greeting cards, etc, or
- the memory, such as the person you inherited the items from or the event when you received the items, e.g. the greeting cards for your 40th birthday.
Third, go through each category and keep your favourite pieces, especially the ones that:
- Elicit positive feelings. Trust me, I’ve seen many cases where people kept items that brought negative memories, stuff that was gifted to them by relatives who were terribly nasty during a divorce for example. They hadn’t realised how much those items were weighing them down until they parted with them.
- Speak to who the person was. I inherited a variety of items from my beloved grandmother, but I mainly kept a few pieces of jewellery that I associate with the stories she had told me as a child about the circumstances in which she had got them.
This third step should not be rushed. You must face the stuff and the stories behind it and process your feelings. If it elicits too strong emotions and you don’t feel ready to let go, don’t force it and keep it for now. You will always be able to revisit your decisions later.
Honouring sentimental items
For you to truly honour the memories of the items you’ve chosen to keep, the best way is to make use of the functional items and display the decorative ones.
For those items that won’t fall into either of these categories, store them in a memory box. I typically recommend using any box or container you already have in your home, but for sentimental items, investing in a nice storage box can make it more special. Limiting your favourite memories to the box size will allow you to reach out for it more frequently and enjoy its contents.
Below are examples of how some of my clients chose to honour their sentimental items:
Children’s drawings and paintings
A client dedicated a wall in her home to her daughter’s drawings and paintings. Together, they would agree on the ones that should be put up. When new ones were coming in, they would decide which ones to take down and replace. They would then store them in a box. When the box was full, they would go through the contents of the box to make room for new ones. They would throw some, give some away to grandparents, digitise some and store them in ArtKive.
Medals and trophies
A client had several dozens of medals and trophies won by her 2 daughters in swimming competitions. I recommended keeping a handful intact for display, discarding the ones that were not meaningful, and keeping only the plaque of all the others in between. The plaques could then be framed together, with one frame per daughter, and the frames put up on the wall. A lot of precious horizontal space would be saved that way.
Clothes
Despite thinking she would never be able to let go of any of her children’s baby clothes, a client managed to give away and donate a substantial part. To achieve this, she focused on preserving the most precious ones in a memory box and getting a beautiful quilt made out of the rest. Although she realised in the process that all the clothes were not eliciting positive memories, I still admire her for the courage I know it took her to part with them.
In the same vein, a client re-purposed her late mum’s traditional dress which was one of the rare items that was left from her mum into cushion covers. She now enjoys the cushions on her bed. She is honouring her mum’s memory instead of feeling guilty for not wearing the dress and resentful for the space it used to take in her wardrobe.
Children’s schoolwork
I kept all the schoolwork my son had produced until he entered middle school. At that point, the cabinet where it was stored was full and I knew it was time to let go of some. I sorted his work by school year and then by subject, and kept for each subject his best work, his worst work, his most improved work and his funniest work.
It took me several iterations to get there. But eventually, I could make all the primary school years fit into a magazine holder. I subsequently created another magazine holder for Middle School. Once in a while on Saturday mornings, I indulge by taking one magazine holder out and going down memory lane. This wouldn’t be possible if I had kept every single piece he had produced and hadn’t organised it.
